


In Simulatione Veritas

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pretend Boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-13
Updated: 2011-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-23 17:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon and Spencer are pretending to be boyfriends. Or so they think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Simulatione Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://verbyna.livejournal.com/profile)[**verbyna**](http://verbyna.livejournal.com/)'s [prompt](http://pennyplainknits.livejournal.com/306125.html?thread=2937293#t2937293) at [](http://pennyplainknits.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**pennyplainknits**](http://pennyplainknits.dreamwidth.org/)'s [Bandom Pretend Dating Festival](http://pennyplainknits.livejournal.com/306125.html):
>
>> after their friends lock them in a closet for 3 hours for a prank, they decide to get back at them by acting like they had a revelation and are obnoxiously in love with each other. PDA, nicknames, flowers, talking incessantly about it...
> 
> My biggest heartfelt thanks go to [](http://lalejandra.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**lalejandra**](http://lalejandra.dreamwidth.org/) for the great beta she provided me. She's a rockstar. <333

"Come on, guys," Brendon says, "let us out."

"No!" Ian sounds decidedly giggly. Brendon bangs against the closet door.

"This isn't funny! We have, like, interviews!"

"No, it totally is!" shouts Dallon. "And you don't have any, we checked with Zack."

"See you in two hours!"

"Guys!" Brendon throws himself against the door, but it doesn't budge. "God, Spencer, how can you just sit there?"

Spencer shrugs. He's upended a bucket, which he's sitting on, and he doesn't seem at all annoyed. "They're gone," he says. "It's no use yelling."

"Somebody else might let us out."

Spencer snorts. "Dude, they made sure we didn't have our phones with us. They checked with _Zack_. Pretty sure they also planned for that."

Brendon leans against the wall. "What are we gonna do for two hours?" The closet is dark and cramped and Brendon's already bored. Also he's pretty sure that this stunt earned Dallon and Ian five points according to the Tour Prank Rulebook. It puts them ahead of Brendon and Spencer, which just adds insult to injury.

"Figure out how we get back at them."

Brendon sighs and sits down on the floor. "It needs to be fucking epic," he says. "Just to make up for three hours of complete boredom. Caught in the closet, dude."

Spencer snickers.

"It's not funny," Brendon says, but then he has to laugh, too.

"So what are we gonna do?"

"Well, we can't do anything too obvious. They'll expect us to retaliate, they'll be suspicious."

"Yeah." Spencer stretches his legs out. "Shaving cream in their bunks?"

"Nah, they'll check their bunks first. Prank call?" Brendon scratches his neck.

"Too easy," Spencer says. "It should be something they won't expect at all. Hey, how about we don't strike back? They're gonna be more and more paranoid the longer we don't do anything."

Brendon shakes his head. "Good idea, but fuck no. They've locked us in the fucking closet, I want _revenge_."

"Yeah, I get--fuck, Brendon, the closet. _The closet_." Spencer slides forward and shakes Brendon's shoulder. "I have the perfect idea."

~~~***~~~

When they hear steps approaching, Brendon turns to Spencer and says quietly, "Ready?"

"Ready." Spencer nods and grins. "Let's do this."

Brendon takes a deep breath and steels himself. When he hears someone walk up to the closet and stop, he laughs quietly. "Oh, Spencer," he says, just as the door swings open. "Are you sure?"

"I--" Spencer stops when Ian and Dallon open the door far enough to grin at them. "Let's talk later, okay?" He's smiling at Brendon, and Brendon grins back, wide and dopey.

"Yeah, later."

"Uh, guys, what's going on?" Ian looks at Brendon and Spencer, alternating between them.

"Nothing," Brendon says, smiling hugely. "Well, not yet." He looks at Spencer, lets his face go soft.

Spencer ducks his head, grinning. "You couldn't have waited another ten minutes?" he asks Dallon.

Dallon looks positively weirded out. "Uh, aren't you mad at us?"

"We were," Brendon says, "but not anymore. Oh, guys, you won't believe it." He giggles.

"Guys, what are you doing? You gotta get ready." Zack appears in the hallway. "Your three hours are up," he tells Ian and Dallon, "let them out of the closet."

Brendon and Spencer look at each other and then simultaneously break out into laughter.

"Right," Zack says, eying them suspiciously. "What the fuck's going on?"

"Let us out of the closet," Spencer says after he's regained his breath. "Both literally and figur--"

"Shh," Brendon says. "We haven't talked yet."

"Is that gonna make a difference?" Spencer asks Brendon and he sounds honestly worried. Brendon's pretty impressed.

Brendon beams at Spencer and shakes his head. "No," he says softly.

"You--" Zack points to Brendon and Spencer. "--are freaking me out. Get yourselves into the green room and into your stage clothes."

"Aye, aye, captain," Spencer says. He gets up and offers Brendon his hand. Brendon ups the wattage of his smile by a few thousand percent and lets Spencer pull him up. Spencer doesn't let go of Brendon's hand when he's on his feet, though. "Let's go get dressed then."

Brendon grins shyly at Ian and Dallon, who both gape at them when Spencer tugs Brendon along behind him. "We have so much to tell you later," he says.

There's the usual hurry of getting ready for the show, then there's the show itself. Brendon turns back to Spencer more often than usual, grins and shakes his ass. Spencer engages in more banter than usual.

Brendon thinks it might have been the best show they've played on this tour.

When they tumble backstage before the encore, Brendon attaches himself to Spencer and hangs off him. He laughs, high and breathless.

Zack has raised both his eyebrows. "I don't even wanna know," he says.

"I do," Ian says. He looks more perplexed than anything.

"I feel very neglected," Dallon adds. "You hardly looked at me today."

"I'm sorry," Brendon says, "except I'm not, because the most awesome thing happened today and it's just because of you two, and we have to _thank_ you."

"Thank us for what?"

"Pshhh, tell them later," Spencer says. He's smiling, too. "We still have to play the encore."

Brendon sighs. "It's just--I'm so happy," he says.

Spencer laughs and then he pulls Brendon close to him and presses a kiss against his temple. "Me, too," he says. "Now let's go."

The looks on Ian and Dallon's faces are priceless.

~~~***~~~

After they get off stage for real, Spencer pulls Brendon into an empty room.

"God, did you see their faces?" Brendon has to lean against the wall, he's laughing so hard. "You have the best ideas."

"I know," Spencer says. He's laughing just as hard. "Fuck, did you notice how confused they were?"

"I did." Brendon gulps in a few breaths. "So how long are we gonna pretend we found love in the closet?"

Spencer chuckles. "I don't know--until they can't take it anymore?"

Brendon nods. "Sounds like a plan."

Someone knocks on the door behind them. "Uh, guys?" It's Zack. "Bus call in an hour and a half." Right, they have a long as fuck drive ahead of them, they need to leave pretty much right away.

"Okay, we're coming," Spencer yells back. He ruffles Brendon's hair and winks at him.

Brendon grins and he tugs at Spencer's shirt. "Just a minute," he says, still breathless from laughter.

"Guys," Zack says. His voice is all business, but when they open the door and tumble out, Zack's grinning. "You guys," he says.

Brendon shrugs and ducks his head. "You love us," he says.

"Single showers," Zack says. "If you don't make it to the bus on time, we're gonna leave without you."

"You take all the fun out of life," Spencer says. He lets Brendon have first shower and sneaks in a pat on Brendon's ass.

Ian groans. The last thing Brendon hears before the bathroom door closes is Spencer saying, "Hey, no complaining, this is all your fault."

Brendon takes a quick shower. They had decided to tell the guys together in the bus. By the time he gets out, Spencer hasn't spilled anything yet.

"He's just been staring at the bathroom door," Dallon says, slightly awed. Spencer blushes and Brendon looks at him fascinated.

"Really?" Brendon manages to put both awe and amusement into his voice. He's a fucking great actor--even Shane Drake thinks so.

Spencer gets up quickly. "I'm gonna take that shower now," he says quickly. Brendon offers Spencer his shampoo, since he knows that Spencer's out, and Spencer takes it, blushing even more. Brendon wants to know how he does that. Blushing on command is hard.

After Spencer disappears into the bathroom, Brendon collapses onto the couch and giggles.

"Dude," Ian says. "What's all that about?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Brendon asks. "God, it feels just so..." He waves his hand around. "We're happy."

Dallon squints at him. "A-ha," he says.

Brendon just beams at them and then he gets out his cell phone. He texts Spencer _having so much fun :D_ and proceeds to check his e-mails. A few minutes later a ping announces a new message.

Spencer writes, _gonna have even more fun later ;)_. Brendon feels himself blush.

"What?" Ian looks over Brendon's shoulder, curious. He squints at Brendon's phone while Brendon tries to hide the display.

"It's nothing, just a message from Spencer," Brendon says. His voice dips low at Spencer's name.

"Oh god." Ian slides down the couch. "What have we done?"

"You've created a very beautiful thing," Spencer says from the bathroom door. He's grinning, and Brendon smiles back.

"We've created a monster," Ian says darkly.

Brendon giggles.

"My turn now," Dallon says. He eyes Spencer as he passes him, but remains otherwise silent. Brendon wonders what he's thinking.

Spencer sits down next to Brendon. Like, really close. He's almost sitting on Brendon. Brendon ducks his head and smiles. "Hi," he says shyly.

"Hi," Spencer says back. Brendon beams up at him. "I missed you," Spencer says softly.

"You were only gone for a few minutes," Brendon says. He's smiling broadly. Ian is staring at them with open fascination.

"It was long enough," Spencer says and then he ducks his head and... man. Brendon's kind of bowled over by the look Spencer gives him. The way he has his eyes half-open and looks through his lashes is deadly.

It makes it pretty easy to giggle, though, and lean into Spencer. "Now you're here with me," Brendon says. He tries to sound ecstatic and, to be honest, he probably overdoes it a lot, but then Spencer giggles and it's like--Spencer Smith giggling is probably the most adorable thing Brendon's ever heard.

Brendon's totally down with all this pretending to be boyfriends thing. It's awesome.

"I'll get ready for my shower," Ian says weakly.

Brendon doesn't point out that Dallon's been gone for about two minutes, but Ian walks over rather hurriedly to his bag and concentrates on looking for something in it. Despite the fact that they now have the couch to themselves, neither Brendon nor Spencer moves away. Instead, Spencer wraps his arms around Brendon, pulls him in close, and presses a kiss into Brendon's hair.

Spencer's a good pretend boyfriend, Brendon thinks. Probably because Spencer's a good boyfriend, period. None of the guys Brendon's ever dated would've cuddled with him in front of their--his--friends.

Spencer grins down at Brendon and Brendon grins back. Brendon whispers, "You're doing great."

"I know." Spencer looks positively smitten. _So much fun_ , he mouths, and Brendon giggles again.

Dallon has hardly opened the bathroom door when Ian already pushes past him. "Find out what's going on," they hear Ian whisper to Dallon.

Dallon leans against the wall next to them. He eyes them for a long time which Brendon spends gazing lovingly at Spencer. True love needs no words.

"Okay, guys, anything you wanna tell me?"

"Yes," Spencer says, still beaming. "But we want to tell you and Ian together."

Dallon gives them a calm look. "Okay," he says and it's the okay they usually hear after one of their pranks, like Dallon's already planning how to retaliate.

Brendon makes sure to look as goofy as possible when he beams at Dallon. "We just hope you'll be happy for us," he says, when Spencer shushes him.

"Wait till Ian's here."

Ian takes his damn time in the bathroom. Brendon wants to get up and bang on the door and ask what's the hold-up, but he's stuck pretending to want nothing more than to look at Spencer's freckles. It's not that they aren't pretty, it's just not very entertaining after a few minutes.

Finally Ian appears, but Zack's close behind. "Bus call," Zack says and he gives Brendon and Spencer a calculated look. It almost makes Brendon want to tell Zack. Zack's always got their backs and he's usually up for a good joke, but it's imperative that Zack also believes them. Brendon feels a bit bad, though, about lying to Zack.

Brendon looks sad. "We just need--"

"No, let's do it on the bus." Spencer squeezes Brendon's hand. "Then we don't have to hurry."

It's half an hour later when they finally sit down in the lounge, Brendon and Spencer on one side of the table, Ian and Dallon opposite them. Zack's in the kitchen, pretending not to listen.

"So," Spencer starts. "There's something we have to tell you guys."

"You do," Dallon says calmly. Brendon likes that about him, the way Dallon almost never loses his cool.

"Yeah," Brendon says. "It's pretty important."

"But we don't want to keep it from you," Spencer says. "It's pretty big news." He smiles at Brendon and Brendon smiles back.

If Ian's eyes get any bigger, they're gonna pop right out of his skull.

"Today we realised something." Brendon sits up straight and takes a deep breath. "And we have to thank you for it."

"Because if you hadn't locked us in that closet," Spencer adds, "we still wouldn't have figured it out."

"I guess we must have been pretty obvious," Brendon says, "because, you know, closet? Hahaha." He takes another deep breath and looks at Spencer.

Spencer puts his hand on Brendon's, openly on the table, and Brendon turns his hand upside down, so they can link their fingers.

"We're in love," Spencer says and he smiles, wide and open and happy. "I guess you'd figured that out long before us."

Ian looks like he's been hit by a 2x4, but surprisingly Dallon leans back and nods. "Took you long enough," he says. "It was the first thing Breezy asked me about you two."

Brendon masks his surprise by laughing. "So long, uh?" He glances at Spencer who blushes again.

"Yeah," Spencer says softly.

" _Spencer_ ," Brendon says and he turns toward Spencer. "Why--"

"Same reason you never did," Spencer says. He's still smiling, though. "We'll have to make the most of now, though."

Brendon beams. _You're a genius_ , he thinks at Spencer.

"Uh, congratulations," is the first thing Ian says. The second is, "No sex on the bus."

Spencer blushes a deep crimson red and Brendon totally has to get Spencer to teach him how to do that. "We're not assholes," Spencer huffs.

"Could've fooled me," Zack murmurs in the kitchen.

"Your opinion doesn't mean anything to us!" Brendon yells across the bus. Then he starts giggling, because seriously.

For the rest of the night, they play it up to the fullest. When they settle down to watch a movie, Brendon shuffles around awkwardly until Spencer pulls him down on the couch next to him. They, well, they snuggle. Spencer is a great cuddler, although he usually pretends that it's a hardship—but, really, millions of girls would kill someone to get to hug Brendon. Cuddling Brendon is totally not a hardship at all.

Despite all his bitching, Spencer is awesome at cuddling. He shifts a little so that Brendon can put his head down on Spencer's chest. He doesn't take long until Brendon rolls over and wraps his arms around Spencer. Spencer's soft and warm and solid, someone Brendon can cling to. Spencer wraps his arm around Brendon's shoulders, his hand on Brendon's nape. He starts to tease the little hairs there--it's soothing, Brendon thinks, a familiar touch.

Brendon's eyes close on their own account. It's a bit sticky on the bus, the air dry from the A/C, and Brendon's cuddling with Spencer and he ... feels happy. It feels good to lie here and not have to worry about anything. Brendon's not even sure what movie they're watching.

Spencer takes Brendon's hand with his free own, intertwining their fingers. Brendon holds on and relaxes.

When he wakes up, the lounge is mostly dark with only the shine from the TV illuminating them.

"They've gone to bed," Spencer says. He speaks quietly and Brendon wonders how late it is.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Couldn't blow our cover." Spencer's smile turns--wistful, Brendon thinks, probably describes it best. It doesn't make sense, though.

Brendon guesses he's just too tired. "Right," he says. "Let's find our bunks, too."

Brendon's bunk seems cold after their snugglefest on the couch. Warmth spreads in Brendon's belly when he thinks that tomorrow he can cuddle Spencer all day long.

~~~***~~~

It's hilariously much fun to hang off Spencer. They had a quick recouping meeting after breakfast and decided on a divide and conquer strategy: Brendon's gonna take care of Dallon and Spencer's talking to Ian. Their plan is to talk as much as possible about each other, including references to their year-long pining.

"How long?" Brendon asks. "Right after the split?"

Spencer's quiet for a moment. "Maybe even longer," he replies. "One of us could've been pining since high school?"

"Ooh," Brendon says. "That's great. That's, like, I don't know, Harlequin type of pining."

"Harlequin?" Spencer sounds amused.

"Shut up, my mom read them. Anyway, someone always has to leave for some reason and then spends the next twenty years pining."

Spencer laughs, but it's a bit forced. Brendon squints at Spencer. He should probably get Spencer more coffee. In his new role as pretend boyfriend, that's totally covered. "Works for me," Spencer says.

Brendon does get Spencer coffee. None of the stupidly bad road coffee, no, he makes a show of making coffee in their tiny kitchenette and then doctoring it with hot cocoa and sugar until it's the perfect mocha. It's one of Spencer's favourite pleasures.

Spencer smiles at Brendon when Brendon sets down the coffee in front of him with a fanfare. "Just for you," Brendon says, and he keeps his eyes on Spencer, but he can see Ian making a gagging motion out of the corner of his eyes. He flips him the bird without looking. Dallon just snorts.

"Thank you," Spencer says and he gives Brendon the most amazing shy smile ever. Brendon's this close to swooning. He's really fucking impressed. Who knew Spencer was that good an actor?

"Interview time!" Zack calls from the front of the bus. "Brendon, Dallon, to me!"

"Aye, aye, sir!" Brendon calls, eyes not leaving Spencer. "Just a minute." He beams at Spencer, who laughs.

"Just go." Spencer smiles down at his coffee. "I promise I'll still be here when you get back."

Brendon opens his mouth, but Dallon's already up and he starts to tug Brendon along with him. Zack's just grinning. "We'll be back in about two hours," he tells Spencer and Ian. "Don't get lost, hurt, or arrested."

"We won't," Ian says in that innocent-serious voice that always means he's up to something. Before Brendon can say something, Zack pushes them out of the bus and into a cab.

When they drive away, Brendon allows himself to heave a sigh and stare out of the back window at the bus. He thinks he's getting better at this whole pretending business.

"Dude," Dallon says.

"Shut up," Brendon says. "I miss Spencer."

Zack does something that sounds suspiciously like laughing disguised as a cough. Brendon turns around to glare at him.

"You talked to him not even one minute ago."

"Doesn't matter." Brendon waves his hand around to stress his point. He thinks it's important to include gestures in his acting. Maybe one day he'll be ready to win an Oscar. "He's not here now."

Dallon snorts. "You sound like a love-sick 15 year old teenager."

Brendon ducks his head and laughs. "I think I _feel_ like a love-sick teenager," he replies.

"Let's hope it's not catching."

Brendon shakes his head. "Unless you've suddenly realised you're in love with Spencer, I don't think so." He sits up straight quickly and gives Dallon a hard look. "You're not, right? I mean, Spencer's awesome and beautiful and he totally lures you with his character, so it wouldn't be a surprise, but--"

"No," Dallon says. He looks stricken, like he's not sure whether to laugh or cry. "I already have found my soulmate. Spencer's all yours."

Brendon can't help himself: he beams. "That is so cute," he says. "Hey, let's compare notes."

"Notes." The slight shiver of panic in Dallon's voice is awesome. Zack's now started to chortle openly. "What notes?"

"You met your soulmate," Brendon says, still beaming, "and I just realised who mine is. Hey, when you and Breezy--"

"Stop," Dallon says. "No comparing notes."

"But--"

"No." Dallon looks at Brendon sternly. Or as sternly as you can look while also looking completely bewildered. "Let's just stop talking."

"Okay." Brendon tries his best to sound disappointed. "I'll just have to think about Spencer a lot."

"Do that. Quietly please."

Brendon stares out of the window. Every once in a while he sighs contentedly. It takes Dallon about two minutes to crack.

"Stop doing that."

"Dude," Brendon says. "First you don't want to talk to me and now you don't want me to think. You have to choose one option."

"I said, you should think _quietly_ ," Dallon says. "You're not doing that."

"Not sure whether Brendon can do anything quietly," Zack says. He's looking at them with interest. Brendon tries not to feel bad about not telling Zack about the prank.

"That is indeed true," Dallon agrees. "Okay, you're allowed to talk, but stop sighing."

Brendon grins. "I miss Spencer," he repeats.

"We already agreed on that."

"Yeah, but it bears repeating." Dallon gives Brendon a look. "It's young love, you shouldn't judge me."

Dallon snorts. "If you keep repeating that you miss Spencer a lot, I totally will."

"But, it's _Spencer_ ," Brendon says. "My Spencer." He pauses and then repeats quietly, " _My_ Spencer."

"He's always been _your_ Spencer," Dallon says.

"I didn't know that! Someone should've told me."

"Wow," Dallon says, "this conversation is reaching soap opera-levels of quality."

"I can't help it," Brendon says, "I'm too dazzled from Spencer's smiles."

"Ack," Dallon says.

"Don't pretend you didn't notice! Spencer's made of--sunshine and flowers and kittens."

"Kittens," Dallon repeats. "Kittens?"

"Way to concentrate on the wrong point here," Brendon says. "I mean that Spencer's--"

"We're here," Zack says. "As interesting as this conversation is, now you gotta behave for, like, one hour."

Brendon sends Spencer a text before they go and have to conduct an interview with some radio person who knows next to nothing about them.

 _things going well w/d. how're you?_

It takes a while until Spencer replies.

 _am currently listing all your vices and virtues in a con/pro list. no con yet. ;)_

 _you're an evil genius_

 _ty_

~~~***~~~

The interview goes well. They answer the same questions every person asks them and then they drive back. Brendon looks at the sky and says, "It's the same colour as Spencer's eyes."

Next to him Dallon sends off a text. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Brendon grins at him. _Shouldn't have locked us in a closet_ , he thinks. _I bet you'll think twice about that now._

"Can't wait to go back to him?" Dallon asks quietly. He doesn't look directly at Brendon.

Brendon tries to shrug nonchalantly. He lets himself grin, however, and duck his head, as if he were trying to hide it. It totally works the way it's intended. Dallon's face goes soft.

"Okay," Dallon says. "I get it, I miss Breezy, too, all the time."

Brendon feels a bit uncomfortable, because that's all Dallon says. The plan had been to talk about their newfound love as much as possible to annoy Dallon and Ian. This feels ... different.

Spencer has more success because when they enter the bus, Ian yells at Dallon, "Come save me!"

"Save you from what?" Dallon quirks one eyebrow. Brendon erupts into laughter when he sees the lounge.

Spencer did write a pro and con list. And then he put glitter on it and drew hearts all around it. And somehow, and how exactly he did it is something Brendon has to find out, somehow Spencer managed to get Ian all glittery.

"My, my, don't you look precious," Zack says. It's good that he stands right behind Brendon, so Brendon has someone to lean against and hold him up, because he's wheezing with laughter.

Ian glares at them and he looks absolutely murderous. Spencer looks marginally apologetic, but mostly he has his eyes trained on Brendon and he's smiling that shy, special smile that seems to be only reserved for Brendon right now. He holds out his hand and Brendon lets Spencer pull him down next to him onto the bench.

"I made this," Spencer says and he presents Brendon the list.

Brendon's still guffawing and gasping. "It's beautiful." He gives the list a cursory glance. Then he realises something and looks at it again. "You drew hearts all around the things about me that annoy you the most," he says.

"Exactly," Ian says. He's gotten up and Brendon tries valiantly not to laugh.

"Wow," Dallon says, with the biggest smirk Brendon's ever seen on anyone. "What do you call that look? Space orphan?"

Spencer had managed to sprinkle glitter all over Ian's clothes.

"He was waving the damn thing around!" Ian points to the bottle of glitter glue. "Reenacting your vices and virtues and then he got it all over me."

Ian turns around and stomps away. At least how far away the bus allows. Dallon gives Brendon and Spencer a look before announcing, "I think I gotta call Breezy. And take photos while he hasn't gotten the glitter off himself yet."

"Good plan," Brendon says, then he leans in closely to Spencer. "You know that Ian's gonna get back at you?"

"Yeah," Spencer says in a low voice. "That's the plan."

"What?"

Spencer grins. "Whatever he does to get his revenge, I'll pretend not to care because I’ve got you now. I am above petty needs like bunks or clean clothes as long as I’ve got you."

Brendon stares. "I don't know whether that's brilliant or creepy."

"Who the fuck cares?" Spencer grins. "Here, let me show you how I illustrated _can never be silent_ ..."

The list turns out to be loads of fun. Brendon has to contradict Spencer on some occasions. Brendon, for the record, does not put the empty milk carton back into the fridge. He leaves it next to the fridge, thank you very much.

Spencer laughs at Brendon. "So I was a bit inexact," he says. "But that's basically the same thing."

"It is _not_ ," Brendon says. "When I put the milk next to the fridge, it's empty, you know that."

"Yeah, but you should just get a fresh carton and put it into the fridge. It's the considerate thing to do."

"I'll show you considerate," Brendon says, which is how they start to wrestle at the tiny table that comes with the bench in their lounge.

They have both totally forgotten about the glitter glue.

"God, are you done yet bickering like an old married couple?"

Dallon comes in. Brendon giggles. The glue is cold where it hit Brendon's skin and he thinks his entire back is covered in the stuff.

"No sex on the bus!" Ian calls. "Have some regard for my virgin eyes!"

Brendon knows that that's a total lie, Ian totally hooked up with that sound tech the other day in that venue with the thing. Still, virgin eyes. Brendon presses his face against Spencer's chest to muffle his laughter.

"You know what, I don't even want to know." Brendon can hear Dallon turn around. "I'll go to my bunk now and come back to the lounge in five minutes."

As soon as Dallon's gone, Brendon calms down. "I think there's glitter in my ass crack," he says. "I'm never wrestling with you again."

"Well," Spencer says, as he pushes them both upright, "apparently we bicker like an old married couple."

"You've done that for ages," Zack throws in. "And get ready, you have soundcheck in twenty."

~~~***~~~

During soundcheck, Brendon changes all the lyrics from _she_ to _he_ and beams at Spencer. He even shakes his ass at Spencer, who just grins back and makes lewd gestures.

It's probably the most fun soundcheck they've ever had. It carries over to the Meet & Greet--recently they've had fewer crazies, which, honestly, is such a fucking relief. Brendon actually likes talking to their fans and it's much more enjoyable if he doesn't have to worry about being jumped at any moment.

Brendon's only a little bit surprised when Spencer pulls him aside afterwards. "Hey," Brendon says.

"Hey." Spencer smiles and he leans in close, bringing their heads close together. "I think Ian's about to crack," he whispers, still smiling softly.

Brendon instinctively lets himself curve against Spencer, and ducks his head. He glances at Ian and Dallon from the corner of his eyes, and Ian does in fact look more and more confused. "You did awesome work there," Brendon says and he concentrates really hard and giggles.

Dallon can't quite suppress a groan.

"You did, too," Spencer says.

"We're fucking awesome at this," Brendon says and he looks up, beaming at Spencer.

Zack brushes past them and he gives them a Look. Brendon sighs loudly. Then he gasps surprised when Spencer grabs his hand and holds it tightly. "Maybe tonight we can sneak off," he says in a fake whisper that carries through the entire room.

"No sex on the bus," Ian calls. "Nowhere I could possibly see it."

"You don't want me to have any fun," Brendon says.

"Ignore him," Spencer says. "He doesn't know what's good."

"Yeah." Brendon pretends to think for a moment. In truth, he has to work really hard not to grin because he just had the best idea. "Sex in public, man. The thrill of maybe getting caught ..." Brendon lets his voice drift off and he gazes at the wall as if he were remembering something fondly. Well, he totally is, but he's not gonna tell that anyone.

Ian whimpers. "Make him _stop_ ," he begs Spencer.

Spencer grins. "Let's sit down." He pulls Brendon toward the couch, but then he sinks down on the huge leather chair and pulls Brendon onto his lap.

 _Genius_ , Brendon thinks at Spencer (Brendon's almost ready to admit that maybe Spencer's way better at this than Brendon).

"God, no," Ian groans.

"I'm distracting him from talking about sex," Spencer says. "You don't get to criticise how I'm distracting him."

Brendon beams and Dallon snorts. "I'm gonna call my wife," Dallon says. "Have fun."

"You're not gonna leave me alone while they make out!" Ian whimpers.

"Listen to your iPod," is all Dallon says before the door falls closed behind him.

"I hate you," Ian says. He looks grumpy. It kind of has the effect of making him seem even more adorable.

Brendon laughs. "Don't be cross," he says. "I just wanna be close to Spencer." He looks at Spencer and Spencer looks at him and, damn. Brendon forgot how blue Spencer's eyes are when he’s up close to them. Brendon totally does not forget what he wants to say next, except he does. He guesses it's in character with his role.

"Hey," Spencer says quietly. "Fancy seeing you here."

Brendon breaks out in a giggle fit. He presses his face against Spencer's neck to stifle it. Spencer's an awesome pretend boyfriend, Brendon thinks, because Spencer only sighs quietly and then he wraps his arms around Brendon, holding him close.

"I didn't know I was that funny," Spencer says.

"You're not." Ian's gotten his phone and headphones.

"Still on level 17/3?"

Brendon calms down while Spencer and Ian talk about Angry Birds. Spencer smells nice and the way he's holding Brendon makes Brendon feel safe and cherished. Brendon wriggles around a bit until he's sitting fully comfortable. Spencer presses a kiss against Brendon's temple... like, in passing. Brendon relaxes and he maybe wishes they could stretch this out for longer than just a few more days. Brendon could get used to this level of attention, of physical contact. It's not that he's lonely, it's just that sometimes he feels a bit more alone than a guy who has to share his bus with a eight other guys has any reason to. Getting to sit on Spencer's lap, being held by Spencer and getting all these casual caresses releases a tight knot in Brendon's chest he hadn't even been aware of.

Brendon thinks he has to get laid.

Dallon comes back at some point and Brendon leans up so he can join the conversation, but Spencer doesn't let go of him. He's slowly stroking Brendon's sides and holds his hand, sweet and easy and familiar, absolutely nothing that warrants the gagging noises Ian fakes.

The feeling of being loved and cherished stays behind even when Zack comes to collect them, and it influences their show. They're on fire, banter dead on, and nobody misses any cues and it's just fucking perfect. Brendon gets up into Dallon's personal space and Dallon works with Brendon, gives and takes.

Spencer's fucking on tonight and Brendon cannot help himself. He knows he turns back to face Spencer way more often than he usually does, pretends to drink a lot, but he spends a lot of time just beaming at Spencer. Spencer beams right back and subtle does not really describe what they're doing, but Brendon doesn't care. It's the best show of the entire tour.

Brendon's fucking high when they tumble backstage after “Nearly Witches,” still full of adrenaline.

"Spencer, Spencer, Spencer," Brendon babbles and he throws himself at Spencer. "Spencer, we were awesome."

Spencer laughs, loud and full, and he catches Brendon. "Yeah, we were."

Brendon flings his arms around Spencer's neck and hangs on tight. He's sweaty, probably even disgustingly so, but Spencer holds Brendon close. "I want a beer," Brendon declares.

Spencer snorts. "Because you didn't have any on stage."

"Hey, that's just hydrating," Brendon protests. "Those don't count."

Dallon laughs. "Pretty sure that's now how it works," he says. "I know a bar, though."

The bar's only a few minutes away and it's busy, but not packed, and they serve the best spicy cheese fries ever.

"Dallon, your bar is awesome," Brendon says. He's well into his second _real_ beer of the night. Life's good and everything is awesome. Brendon gets to play shows with his friends, Spencer's sitting next to him and letting Brendon hang all over him. Spencer even puts his hand on Brendon's thigh, his thumb rubbing over the denim softly. It's like all the tension in Brendon leaves with a bang and suddenly Brendon's boneless and relaxed. Okay, so maybe he's leaning more against Spencer than sitting up on his own. Who cares.

The way back to the bus is vastly less fun, but then Spencer sighs, loudly, and he reaches for Brendon. Brendon wraps his arm around Spencer's waist and Spencer slips his hand into the back pocket of Brendon's jeans. It feels like such a high school move that Brendon can't be anything but charmed.

"Spencer Smith, the world is turning too fast," Brendon declares. "Also, that was smooth."

Spencer chuckles. "It really wasn't," he says. "And the world's not turning any faster than usual."

"Lies," Brendon says. He closes his eyes. It's totally easier this way. He just lets Spencer lead him. Now that his eyes aren't confused anymore by the ground sidling away, walking's easier.

They shuffle onto the bus and Brendon's not completely sure who pushes him into his bunk, but he guesses it was Spencer.

Of course, Brendon can't fall asleep. He's still hyped up and the beer didn't do much to calm him down. He's not feeling like he's jittering out of his skin, which is good. But now he's bored.

But then Brendon has the best idea. He's kind of a lot drunk right now, but he doesn't care. Best. Idea. Ever. He clambers out of his bunk and pads across the tiny aisle to Spencer's bunk. "Hey, Spencer," he whispers and ruins the moment by giggling wildly. "Hey, Spence."

He can hear Spencer turn over inside his bunk. "What's up, B?" He sounds sleepy, like he's just woken up.

Brendon tugs at Spencer's curtain, but somehow it doesn't work the same way as on Brendon's bunk and he can't get it top open. Spencer sighs loudly and then the curtain's gone.

"Bren?" Spencer asks, but he sounds amused.

"Shh, cuddle time," Brendon declares and he starts to crawl into Spencer's bunk. It's an awesome idea, snuggling with Spencer. Two of his favourite things, cuddling and Spencer, and he gets to indulge without any bad feelings.

Brendon hits his knee against the edge and curses.

"Pst, you'll wake everyone up," Spencer whispers.

"Too late," Dallon murmurs.

"No sex on the bus," Ian adds sleepily.

Spencer sighs and then he tugs on Brendon and suddenly Brendon's in Spencer's bunk tugged tightly against Spencer. "Hi there," he whispers and giggles again.

"Hi," Spencer says amused. "How drunk are you?"

Brendon shrugs. "Cuddle time," he says again. "Let's cuddle."

"No sex," Ian repeats. "I mean it."

"Party-pooper," Brendon says and then he has to giggle again, because "poop". He tries to convey the funniness of the word to Spencer, but he's more or less just giggling.

"God, shut up, I don't care how," Dallon says. "Some people want to sleep."

Brendon starts to pout, but then Spencer takes his hand and clasps their fingers. He holds their linked hands against his chest, and the gesture is sweet and comfortable and Brendon looks at Spencer.

"Hey," Spencer says and he presses his mouth against Brendon's and wow. Spencer's lips are soft and it feels pretty amazing.

Brendon leans into Spencer, lets himself relax. The giggles die down while they exchange close-mouthed little kisses and Brendon feels like he's 15 again, just discovering how kissing works. He feels the same mixture of nerves and _OMG this is awesome, can I keep doing this forever?_ thrumming through his veins. Spencer's solid and warm and familiar.

After a while Brendon puts his head on Spencer's chest. He's not out of breath, he just wants to be even closer to Spencer, wants to crawl inside him and live there, wants to hold on to Spencer all the time without ever being forced to let go. _Oh_ , he thinks. _That's what it means._

Spencer's heartbeat is calm and steady under Brendon's ear. Brendon wants him like that, steady and firm and protective in the way Spencer has his arm slung around Brendon's middle. He's even tugged the curtain closed again, shielding them from too-curious looks.

"Go to sleep," Spencer whispers into Brendon's hair.

Brendon hums against Spencer's chest. He stores his epiphany in the back of his mind and lets Spencer's heart beat lull him into sleep.

The next morning Brendon wakes up late. He's overheated and disoriented--where the fuck is he? Then he recognises the smell of Spencer's--well, everything, his shampoo, deodorant and laundry detergent (and how freaky is he that he knows which detergent Spencer uses?) and blinks his eyes open.

Spencer's still snoring softly. His eyelashes seem particularly dark and fine against his skin and the first thing Brendon thinks is, _He's beautiful._ He keeps looking at Spencer, just because he can. In the rest of the bus, he can hear the usual hustle--people making coffee and food and conversation. It must be later than Brendon thinks--it's etiquette not to be too loud while the majority of people are still asleep, but it seems like everybody except them is up already.

When Spencer stirs, Brendon smiles up at him. "Good morning, sunshine," he says.

Spencer grumbles, tightens his hold on Brendon's hand and pulls him closer. "Cuddle time, you said," he murmurs.

Brendon can't stifle a giggle. "We've been snuggling all night," he says.

Spencer seems to wake up properly now. "Oh," he says. "How late is it?"

Brendon doesn't have a watch, but then Zack calls from the kitchen, "It's half-past eleven. You both suck at being quiet."

"Not the only thing we suck," Spencer stage-whispers while winking at Brendon. Brendon spontaneously combusts into giggles.

"We heard that," Ian says, pretending to be scandalised, but they can hear Dallon guffawing next to him. "It's not funny."

Spencer cements his position as Brendon's most favourite person ever by making breakfast. He goes about in a stealth way, which is kind of sweet. Brendon goes to use the bathroom and comes back to a cup of coffee. He turns to get himself a toaster waffle or something and Spencer offers him a plate with already toasted Pop-Tarts.

"You're my favourite," Brendon tells Spencer. "I love you, seriously."

Brendon only realises a moment too late what he's just said, when Spencer's cheeks are turning a lovely shade of pink and both Ian and Dallon are catcalling.

"Shut up, you two," he says, "we're having a moment."

"Then don't have a public moment," Dallon says, and Brendon will remember this the next time Dallon wants to call Breezy.

 _Just wait for it, Weekes_ , Brendon thinks.

"Shut up," Spencer says. He's still blushing, but he's smiling at Brendon. Then he winks. "You're just jealous."

Dallon snorts. "Right," he says.

"Eat," Spencer says to Brendon, "before they get cold."

Brendon leans against Spencer while he eats. He likes the way they fit so neatly together. He wonders why he never noticed before--it's not like Brendon's morally opposed to hugging, and he's cuddled with Spencer more times than he can count. Maybe it's just attitude, Brendon thinks. They're snuggling with a purpose now.

Still Brendon doesn't really want to think about when he might have to give it up again. Both Dallon and Ian seem to have accepted Brendon and Spencer's epic romance, and that kinda takes the fun out of it. And the purpose. If no one minds anymore, they don't need to pretend anymore.

Brendon makes a mental note to ask Spencer about it, but then Zack comes and gives them their daily schedule. Brendon's doing interviews again, alone this time, and, damn, he hates that.

It's not until they have soundcheck that Brendon can get Spencer alone. It's a broom closet.

Spencer grins. "Miss the good old days?" He winks at Brendon.

"Shut up." Brendon laughs. "Although... that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" Brendon thinks he just imagines that moment when Spencer appears to brace himself.

"Yeah." It's dark in the closet and Brendon can't really see a lot. "See, the thing is--"

There's a knock on the door. "You're up for soundcheck," Zack says. "You have one minute, then I'm gonna open this door. I don't want to see anything that's gonna give me nightmares. That means no dicks."

"People have dreams about my dick," Brendon says. "People love my dick."

Spencer snickers.

"I don't," Zack says. "Thirty seconds now."

"We're decent," Spencer says.

Zack pulls the door open. "If you want alone time, just wait until tomorrow," he says. "I don't care what you get up to in your hotel room, but no fooling around on my time." He gives them a look, but he grins.

Brendon can't believe he forgot about a hotel night. He feels hot and cold. Spencer is weirdly still next to him, won't look at Brendon.

When they go to the Green room, Dallon and Ian are already waiting for them. "Hey, loverboys," Dallon says. "Sorry to interrupt you." He's grinning widely.

"Shut up," Brendon says. "We weren't interrupted at all."

"Didn't take that long," Ian says. "We knew it, a frontman like you has to compensate for something."

Brendon glares at him, but before he can retort, Spencer throws in, "Maybe I like that."

Brendon chokes on his tongue, but Spencer sits down, calm as you please, and pulls Brendon down next to him.

Dallon nods. "That was a good one."

Ian snorts. "He knows he can't get anything better."

"You're right," Spencer says. "Because what I could want more than someone beautiful and talented and intelligent and compassionate?" He shrugs. "It's love."

If Spencer was Brendon's actual boyfriend, he'd totally get laid tonight. Even so Brendon's pretty impressed. He wraps himself around Spencer.

"That was ... sweet," Dallon says. "Love suits you both." He winks at them, and Brendon feels suddenly sad. He realises that both Dallon and Ian believe them, that they really think that Brendon and Spencer are ...

Brendon looks down at their linked hands. He didn't even notice Spencer grabbing his hand--he's so used to it already that it didn't register at all.

Spencer's hand is warm, their fingers fit well together and Brendon ... Brendon thinks he doesn't want to miss this. Ever again.

Brendon doesn't know what to do with that epiphany.

"Dude, don't encourage them," Ian says. "Can you imagine how hard tomorrow will be? They'll just be waiting until we get to the hotel."

Dallon grins. "We'll make sure to hit a CVS on the way," he says, "so you can get _supplies_."

Brendon blushes and he squeezes Spencer's hand really tightly. Spencer laughs. "Maybe we already got everything we need," he says, and, wow, that is one very lascivious grin. Brendon feels flushed, which isn't helped when Spencer puts his other arm around Brendon's waist and strokes Brendon's hip.

It leaves Brendon feeling awkward around Spencer. There's this _thing_ now between them--only it's not real. Brendon doesn't know whether he wants it to be real because he likes Spencer for real, or whether it's just the idea of--whatever they have. It's like their friendship combined with being in love, and it feels so good that Brendon doesn't think he could go back to just regular being in love with someone--or to being just Spencer's best friend again.

Spencer already knows all of Brendon's stupid tricks and he laughs at Brendon's jokes and he doesn't mind when Brendon starts to dance in the middle of the cereal aisle while Spencer is trying to figure out whether he's going to get the honey nut flakes or whether he's going to try the new "healthy" fitness muesli.

Maybe they've been dating for years without realising it.

Brendon's not sure how he feels about that.

Brendon wouldn't be the lead singer if he couldn't put on a good show even when he doesn't feel like it. He shakes his ass and dances and sings as hard as he can. Whenever he turns back to Spencer, though, he can't bring himself to smile quite as much as he did yesterday.

Brendon's hope that Spencer didn't notice is destroyed when they go backstage before the encore. Spencer stands to the side and won't look at Brendon.

Brendon doesn't have time for more than just a "Spence?" before Dallon smacks Brendon's ass. It's possible that Brendon maybe overcompensated by hanging all over Dallon. Brendon's not proud of himself.

"Breezy's gonna be all over that," Dallon says. "When I told her about you two, she was afraid you were gonna stop molesting me on stage."

"Dude, it's part of our show," Brendon says. "Can't deny our adoring audience a good show."

Ian snorts. "Give them a taste of what they paid for, right?"

Brendon giggles.

Spencer's completely silent. And he still won't look at Brendon. But then it's time for the encore and maybe Brendon doesn't exactly need to pull Ian in that close, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Spencer calls first shower and by the time Brendon comes back from his shower, he's already on the bus. Only Dallon's still in the green room.

"So do you want a harem or what?" Dallon's calm, his voice quiet and neutral. There's no judgment--the pangs Brendon feels are his own guilt and disappointment in himself. It's not Spencer's fault that Brendon's freaking out.

"No," Brendon says. "It's just show, you know that."

Dallon shrugs. "Maybe you should make that clear to Spencer."

The atmosphere on the bus is icy. Spencer's in the lounge, staring at their TV.

"Spence?" Brendon asks quietly.

Spencer just shakes his head. "It's nothing," he says. "I'm okay."

Brendon doesn't believe him, not one word. It's awkward, standing there and not knowing if he should sit down and keep on pretending that a) they're boyfriends and b) nothing's wrong. In the end, Spencer makes the decision for Brendon.

"Hey," Spencer says and reaches out. "Just ... come and sit down, okay?"

"Okay." Brendon waits a moment before snuggling against Spencer. Spencer drops his hair into Brendon's hair and worries the short hairs on his nape. It's soothing and relaxing. Brendon has no idea what they're even watching, but it doesn't matter. He closes his eyes and tries to not think about how much he's fucking up right now.

Spencer keeps petting him and all the post-show adrenaline is slowly being absorbed. Brendon starts to drift off, but before he's fully asleep, someone comes. Brendon's too relaxed to open his eyes, though.

"Everything all right?" It's Dallon. He doesn't sit down, just stands in the lounge.

"It will be," Spencer says, and that's at least closer to the truth. It stings, though, that Spencer didn't feel like he could tell Brendon.

"Starting a new relationship is always tricky," Dallon says. "It needs a lot of compromise."

This, Brendon thinks, would be the perfect time to come clean, for Spencer to just say _Well, yeah, it's just fake_. Spencer doesn't say anything of the sort, though. He doesn't say anything at all.

"You'll make it," Dallon says. "You love each other too much."

"Yeah," Spencer says quietly. "You think so?" He sounds like he truly doesn't know and it hurts.

"I was pretty convinced of it the minute I met you," Dallon says. He laughs. "After I signed the contract, I asked Pete how long I have to wait until you came out to me. He offered to let me in on the pool."

"There's a pool," Spencer says dryly. It's the first time he sounds amused.

"It's Pete Wentz and his entire incestuous music family," Dallon says. "Of course there's a pool."

Spencer tightens his arm around Brendon. Brendon can feel him press a kiss against Brendon's temple. "Did you win?"

"No," Dallon says. "I don't think anyone cares who wins." Brendon hears Dallon walk a few feet. "By the way, no one bet against you. The plural you, I mean."

"I don't know whether it's a good idea for there to be an us," Spencer says. "It's--so much hinges on us."

"Spencer." Dallon sounds gentle, the way he talked to Amelie after she got upset on the phone that Dallon wasn't able to come home already. " _No one_ bet against you. That's a lot of support right there."

Then Dallon leaves for real. The movie playing is the only sound in the room.

"I know you're awake," Spencer says suddenly. "You're not sniffling."

Brendon blinks his eyes open. "I'm not _sniffling_?"

"When you sleep, you sniffle," Spencer says. "It's kind of adorable and gross. Mostly gross."

"Your mom's gross," Brendon says.

"That's what she said."

Brendon can't help himself, he has to giggle.

"Brendon, I--" Spencer breaks off and he sighs. "We need to stop pretending," he says. "It's--it's becoming too much."

Brendon feels shitty. He doesn't understand why, because Brendon's been trying for a few hours now to talk to Spencer and suggest just that--but now it feels like he can't breathe. Brendon's kidding himself, he knows why, but he keeps pushing that thought away.

"I know," Brendon says. "We should come clean."

"Okay." Spencer swallows heavily. "Tomorrow morning? Ian's already gone to sleep and--I don't think it's important enough to wake them all up for it."

"No, you're right," Brendon says. "Tomorrow morning we'll tell them."

Neither one moves away, and they finish the movie in silence, still entangled. Brendon thinks of tomorrow when he won't get to do this anymore, and his entire body hurts. He doesn't want to, but pretending is fucking with both their heads and it's not _good_.

~~~***~~~

Brendon doesn't sleep that night. He keeps turning around and around. His mattress is too lumpy, the road full of bumps and construction sites, traffic's too loud, and there are a million reasons that never bothered Brendon before. It sucks a lot.

At 4 am Brendon gives up and just listens to his iPod. He puts on all the mellow songs in the hope that maybe they'll comfort him, but really, what he wants is to get up and crawl into Spencer's bunk. It's not fair, though, to either of them, now that they've already decided to not do this anymore.

Spencer doesn't seem to sleep, either. He's not snoring and his bunk is deadly still. Brendon stares at the curtain at his bunk and tries to not think.

Brendon manages to nod off in the morning, right after Ian already got up. He sleeps through until lunch when Zack wakes him up.

"Hey, little man," Zack says. "You're all right?"

"Yeah," Brendon says. "Just couldn't go to sleep until late, you know?"

"Must be going around," Zack says.

"What?"

Zack shrugs. "Spencer's in the back lounge," he says and clearly means, _Fix it_.

"Uh." Brendon glances down the hall. He can't see Spencer, but Dallon's in the back lounge, too, and they're talking quietly--too quietly for Brendon to hear it and he's only standing a few feet away. Fuck.

It's not cowardice that makes Brendon go to the kitchenette first. It's just that this is a conversation that requires some coffee first, he thinks. Besides, like 99% of people need a cup of coffee to be conscious in the morning. It's normal to want breakfast before starting the day. It has absolutely nothing to do with the way Brendon's stomach rolls and tightens when he thinks about announcing Spencer's and his break-up. Which is a fake break-up. They were fake-dating and now they're fake-breaking up, and there's been a whole of fake, except there's also been a whole lot of simple _truth_ , and now Brendon can't tell what was a lie and what wasn't anymore.

The problem is, Brendon's suspecting that there may have been much less fake than he'd thought. That maybe they'd just been able to pull this off because it was real. He can hear Dallon again: _No one bet against you_. Maybe it was real all along and Spencer and Brendon just didn't see it.

Brendon doesn't know what he's more scared off.

"So, hotel night tonight!" Ian says loudly. There are steps coming from the back lounge and just a few seconds later Spencer and Dallon step into the lounge area. "I guess we don't need to talk about who's rooming with who tonight."

Spencer looks at Brendon and Brendon feels--he feels like he's going to die. Brendon laughs nervously. "Well, guys," he starts. "We played a good one on you."

"Uh, what?" Ian blinks. Dallon gives Spencer and Brendon a long look, lingers on Spencer and doesn't say anything.

Brendon looks at Spencer and wills him to say anything. Spencer shrugs. "We're not together," he says. "We never were."

It sounds final and there's a flicker of emotion that Brendon won't, can't properly place. He can't look at Spencer and thinks, _He's sad about saying that, he wishes we_ were. He can't do that, neither to himself nor to Spencer.

"It was all fake," Brendon says. "And you totally believed us." He forces his face into a big smile, but it feels more fake than holding hands with Spencer.

"I don't--" Ian looks between Brendon and Spencer. "You weren't?" For all that Ian pretended to throw up every time Brendon and Spencer made kissy faces at each other, he now seems actually upset. He ... looks disappointed, Brendon thinks. Like Brendon and Spencer just told him Santa Claus didn't exist.

Dallon's silence is unnerving. He looks at Spencer, who studiously doesn't look at anybody, and Brendon feels so awkward he could scream.

~~~***~~~

He's never been happier to give an interview. The reporter is not prepared at all--Brendon has to spell his name three times for him to get it right and, okay, he's not the first one to misspell Brendon's name, but still. Three times.

The guy asks the same old questions, which Brendon's thankful for for once. Normally, he has to hold his tongue, so he doesn't ask them to just read or watch the interview they did with XYZ, because seriously. There's only so many times he can mention that they kept writing and writing until they had to put a stop to things, and the split was hard, but they're friends again.

Today the tedium of answering those questions is welcome. Brendon can even predict what the next question will be. It means he doesn't have to think about what he's actually saying. He just repeats what he's said before, and it's easy. He doesn't have to think at all. Spencer hardly talks at all, lets Brendon handle most of the questions and only replies when he's directly address. He's maintaining an air of _I'm not the frontman_ , which Brendon normally finds cute, especially when so many of their fans chant for Spencer to take his shirt off. Today it makes Brendon wonder whether that's what Spencer sees himself as--playing second fiddle to Brendon. It hurts to think like that, so Brendon lets himself sink back into the nice blandness of answering for the thousandth time what his worst vice is.

Back on the bus the atmosphere is icy. It's not even Dallon and Ian who actually _should_ be mad at Brendon--no, it's Spencer. Spencer goes directly back to his bunk. "I have a headache," is all he says.

Brendon makes Ian bring Spencer some Tylenol. Ian rolls his eyes, but he goes. Brendon's not at all straining to listen to what they're talking.

"I'm sorry," Dallon suddenly says. He's looking at Brendon, scrutinising his face.

"What for?"

Dallon shrugs. "Whatever you need it to be for."

Brendon stares really hard at his laptop. "Thanks," he says after a long pause.

Dallon doesn't answer. It's answer enough in itself, though.

Spencer stays in his bunk until soundcheck, by which time Brendon's worked himself up into being mad at Spencer. It had been Spencer's fucking idea, he doesn't get to decide that Brendon's the bad guy now.

Where other people (Ryan) would sulk and ignore someone they’re mad at, Brendon gets up all in that person’s personal space. He can't reach Spencer because of that damn drumkit, but Brendon prowls around right in front of it and he strikes the most ridiculous poses which he knows show off his ass.

Brendon might be an asshole, but at least he's open about it.

It pretty much only results in making Spencer mad at Brendon. Dallon and Ian send Brendon some pitying glances, and Zack rolls his eyes at Brendon, and they leave him alone with Spencer in the green room.

Spencer gets personal, too. He doesn't shake his ass, though. No, he looks Brendon right into the eyes with those baby blue eyes and says in an ice cold voice: "I expected better of you."

Brendon's stomach drops down to his knees, and he can only press out, "Fuck you, this is not my fault."

"No, it isn't?" Spencer raises one eyebrow and, fuck, Brendon hates that Spencer knows all of Brendon's buttons and that he's so fucking good at playing them.

"It was your idea," Brendon spits out.

"You came to my bunk," is Spencer's reply and there's a tiny crack in his cold facade. It frightens Brendon because it wasn't supposed to mean anything. It can't mean anything. He doesn't realise he's spoken out loud until Spencer chuckles, but there's no humour in it at all.

"That's not how it works, Brendon," Spencer says. He sounds tired and sad, and Brendon wants nothing more than to go over to him and hug him. He wants to wrap his arms around Spencer and cling, so he doesn't have to think about anything at all.

"Spencer--"

"Don't." It's as much a plea as an order. "Just don't."

Brendon turns around and he walks out of the green room, out of the venue, until the end of the parking lot. There he sits down and stares at the concrete underneath him. It's dirty, he notes, and there's some weed growing over there. _Funny,_ he thinks, _that plants can live here even though they covered all the ground with concrete._

"You live just to make my life miserable, don't you." Zack stops right next to Brendon. "You gonna go anywhere?"

Brendon shakes his head. He doesn't feel like talking--he's too afraid that the wrong words will come tumbling out, words like _I seriously didn't know_ and _I don't want to lose him_ and _I don't know what to do_.

"Okay," Zack says. He drops something on Brendon's lap. "Here, in case you need me."

It's Brendon's cell phone. He hadn't even realised he'd left it behind. By the time Brendon looks up, Zack's gone, but Dallon's standing at the backstage door. Dallon doesn't even pretend that he's not keeping an eye on Brendon.

Brendon taps out a quick message to Spencer, _i won't_ , and gets up.

"Done being emo?"

"Years ago," Brendon says.

"You okay?" Dallon looks at Brendon.

"Yeah," Brendon says. He doesn't think he's completely lying.

Dallon grabs Brendon's arm and pulls him inside. "Then let's prepare for the show."

It's not their best show ever. It's also not their worst show ever, but it's definitely high up on that list. They're on beat and Brendon doesn't fuck too many lyrics, but it feels weird and that's what the crowd feels, too. Every time Brendon wants to turn back to Spencer, to grin and shake his ass, he has to stop himself, because they're not doing that anymore. He flirts twice as hard with Dallon and Ian. Dallon's a good sport, playing along, but Ian pulls away rather quickly.

After the show it gets even worse because they have to decide who's rooming with whom. Brendon doesn't want to be the one to say that he doesn't want to room with Spencer, but he also doesn't want to have to hear Spencer say he doesn't want to room with Brendon.

In the end, it seems like Dallon and Ian have a plan. And now Brendon has to plot how to kill them, because Zack's not even finished speaking before Dallon takes two keycards and throws one to Ian.

Zack just grins. "That leaves room 514 for you guys," he says, and he hands over the keycards unapologetically. Brendon takes his with a bit of trepidation.

Spencer's quiet--he's pale, but he just shrugs and takes his card. He seems to just accept his fate and it makes Brendon both sad and angry. Like it's such a hardship to room with Brendon.

"First shower," is the first thing Brendon says once they're in the room.

"You always call first shower," Spencer says.

"Fine," Brendon says. "You take first shower then." He drops his bag on the floor. "Fuck if I care."

Spencer snorts. "As if I'd want you to put your stink all over the room while I get clean."

Brendon feels a lot like strangling Spencer. "Spencer," he starts, but he has no idea how to go on. "Fuck you," he says and grabs his bag and stomps into the bathroom.

He maybe spends a bit more time in there then he needs to. When Brendon comes out of the bathroom, clean and reasonably calm again, he even feels a bit sorry.

Spencer's lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," Brendon says awkwardly. He hates it. He hasn't been awkward around Spencer since Spencer had looked at him and said, "It's the two of us then, I guess." Brendon misses how easy it was to be with Spencer for the last couple of days. It scares him, too, but most of all, he _misses_ it.

Spencer sighs.

"Spencer, what's going on?" Brendon sits down on the bedside, leaving a carefully measured distance between himself and Spencer. He feels weirdly self-conscious, is more than aware of the fact that he's only wearing boxer-briefs (he decided to go straight to bed), but he also doesn't want to be too far away from Spencer. The entire day it felt like there were miles and miles of space between them and Brendon wants to shrink it down to millimetres. Or nanometres. Something really fucking small.

"What if I didn't--" Spencer groans and shakes his head. "Forget it."

"I can't," Brendon says. "Spencer, if you didn't what?"

Spencer turns away from Brendon, stares at the wall. Brendon knows this and his heart aches like it's going to fall apart any second now. This is Spencer's official _make me talk_ position. It had always been reserved for Ryan, and Ryan had once explained it to Brendon.

"It's easier to talk when he doesn't have to face you," Ryan'd said, "so he stares at the wall or the ceiling. He's usually freaking the fuck out and wants a hug, but he thinks he's too fucking old to ask for them."

"That's why the spooning," the 18 year old Brendon had said at the time.

"Yeah. Just lie down, wrap your arms around him and he'll talk."

Except Spencer had never done it with Brendon. It had always been Ryan.

Brendon can totally adapt to new situations, though. Spencer visibly relaxes when Brendon plasters himself against Spencer's back. He wraps his arm around Spencer's middle, pulling Spencer tightly against Brendon's chest.

"Tell me," Brendon says.

"I don't," Spencer says, "I don't want to, I can't--you came to me." He sounds desperate. "You came to my bunk and you spent the night there, and I can't. _Brendon_."

"You have to say it," Brendon whispers. His heart is beating fast and he's dizzy with thoughts running around his head and he hopes and he wants and it's just too much. "I can't do this alone," he adds. "I can't always leap first, Spencer."

"I don't want to pretend," Spencer says. "I want to be..."

It feels like a ton of weight has fallen off Brendon. He pulls Spencer flush against him, holds Spencer so tightly his arms and Spencer probably can't breathe, but it doesn't matter because Brendon can't, either.

"Spencer," he says. " _Spencer_."

"I leaped," Spencer says. He sounds small and scared and kind of sad.

"Oh, fuck, I'm leaping," Brendon says. "I'm leaping and I've always leaped and I'll keep doing it until you get it and--"

Spencer laughs. He laughs and turns over to face Brendon. He's smiling, his face lit up, and it's like coming home. "I get it," Spencer says.

He puts his arms around Brendon and they're too close to not kiss. It's chaste, just a press of dry lips against dry lips, but Brendon feels a rush running through him.

"I love you," Brendon whispers. He thinks he's shaking, or maybe Spencer's shaking, or they're both shaking, it doesn't matter. As long as they're on the same page, it doesn't matter.

"It's always been the two of us," Spencer replies. "I love you, too."

"I--" Brendon can't finish his sentence because laughter is bubbling up inside him and he just. He has to let it out or else he'll explode.

Spencer holds on to Brendon and he's chuckling, too, that soft, gentle sound that Brendon's missed hearing. "I think we've both been stupid."

Brendon slowly calms down and he nods. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Spencer says.

"Me, too," Brendon says. Then he realises he has no idea what Spencer's apologising for. "What for?"

Spencer kisses Brendon again, this time a bit more daring. Brendon puts the thought on hold and just enjoys the moment. It's a pretty good moment. When they break apart for air, he repeats his question.

"What are you sorry for, Spence?"

"Today--I was ..." Spencer trails off. He looks at Brendon and Brendon wants to get lost in those blue eyes and he thinks maybe he already is. "The way you were talking to the guys, it was ... it felt like you'd been. Y'know. Ashamed of it."

"Spencer Smith," Brendon says. He doesn't know how to verbalise his shock and anger, but apparently his tone brings the point across.

"I'm sorry," Spencer says quickly and he presses kisses all over Brendon's face: the corner of his mouth, the tip of his nose, on his forehead--when Brendon instinctively closes his eyes, Spencer gently brushes his lips over Brendon's lids, a quick one-two.

"I liked it too much," Brendon confesses. He thinks it's only fair, since they're already sharing their innermost thoughts. "I didn't want it to end."

"I thought I'd never have this," Spencer says. He's speaking into Brendon's hair and his voice is muffled.

"What?"

Spencer runs his hands over Brendon's side--it feels almost like tickling and Brendon shivers. "I, I always liked you," Spencer says. "I always hoped, but you were with other people and then I was with other people, and those were good times, too, but I always hoped that maybe one day..."

"Spence," Brendon manages. He can't breathe, his chest tight as he realises what Spencer's saying. "God, I was such an idiot." He thinks back to their van days, the early tours, Spencer sticking close while Brendon was chatting up pretty girls and boys, how protective Spencer had been back then. Brendon had chalked it up to Spencer being the secret mother hen of their group, making sure they ate vegetables at least some days. And Brendon realises the pangs he'd felt when he saw Spencer hooking up with people and then finding Haley weren't so much Brendon feeling lonely, but more Brendon being stupidly jealous.

"Agreed," Spencer says, but he's smiling, taking the sting out of it. "Apparently other people could tell that we were both stupidly in love with each other the moment they met us." The _only the two of us couldn't see it_ remains unsaid, but it's clearly there.

Brendon can't help himself, he has to snicker. "Should we send Breezy some flowers, what do you think?"

"No, not flowers. A fruit basket."

Brendon giggles. He's leaning against Spencer, can feel Spencer's breath puffing against his skin, and he feels stupidly happy.

The feeling persists until the morning. They didn't do much more than just kissing, content to just finally be on the same page together. They fell asleep together and this morning Brendon wakes up with his head on Spencer's shoulder.

"You have the most atrocious alarm tone ever," Brendon tells Spencer blearily. " _I should be so lucky_? Seriously?"

"Shut up," Spencer grumbles. "It's supposed to make me want to get up and shut it off, it's supposed to be something you can't stand."

"Blargh," Brendon replies. He stays in bed while Spencer takes the shower he never got around to yesterday. And then Brendon's alarm rings, except it's not his _get up, you lazy fuck!_ alarm, it's his _hey, bus call in 15!_ alarm and fuck, they have to get ready.

Dallon and Ian are already leaving the hotel when Brendon and Spencer stumble out of the elevator. Brendon's so fucking glad he never got around to really unpacking his bags.

Zack's still in the hotel lobby and he looks mightily unimpressed. "One of these days," he says, "we're gonna leave without you."

"You wouldn't," Brendon says. "We're much too pretty, you'd miss us." Zack's totally overreacting. They're not even five minutes late. That's not even close to the worst they'd ever been.

"Also we're the talent," Spencer adds.

"Pretty sure that Ian and Dallon would put on a fucking great show," Zack says. He gives them a glance. "We'd figured with the current ice time going on, you'd be glad to get rid of each other's company."

"Well," Spencer says, and Brendon giggles.

"We fixed it." Brendon's sure he's grinning like a loon. "It's all good now."

"A-ha." Zack eyes them. "Key cards now, so that we can finally leave."

When they walk onto the bus, Dallon and Ian are arguing about which movie to watch. "We got, like, a five-hour drive," Dallon says. "Something long, please."

Ian snorts. "In half an hour you'll go to your bunk to call your wife," he says. "And then I'll be stuck watching a stupid movie without you--oh, hi, guys."

"Hi," Brendon says. He drops his bags into the empty bunk that's been designated their official bag bunk. Spencer is just behind him and he puts his bags right next to Brendon's. He boxes in Brendon, so Brendon can't move away, and it's the smoothest of all unsmooth moves, because Spencer ends up being plastered against Brendon's back.

Brendon is totally not to be held at fault for the giggle fit.

"Guys?" Dallon raises one eyebrow against him.

"Bren--oh god, you're useless."

"It's just--hic--you're so _smooth_." Brendon is giggling so hard that he gets the hiccups and that sets him off again and maybe, just maybe, there's a bit of nerves mixed in there, too.

Spencer sighs. "We're not pretending anymore," he says.

"Eh." Ian gives them a look. "You already broke up your fake romance."

Brendon turns to face Ian and Dallon. "It's not fake anymore," he gasps out between his giggles. "It's all real now."

"Congratulations," Dallon says. He seems cautious, which Brendon actually can't blame him for.

"We fucked up," Brendon says. "But, for real, it's ... it's true now."

Dallon grins. "You finally saw the light, right?"

Brendon turns to look at Spencer, and Spencer's already looking at Brendon and his face is shining, and maybe Brendon gets lost for a moment. It's just. That's _his_ now, to look at whenever he wants, and it's _Spencer_ and Brendon's been so stupid for years.

Belatedly, Brendon remembers he's supposed to reply to a question. He looks back at Dallon, but he has to keep sneaking glances at Spencer because Spencer's laughing now, and Brendon wants to watch. "Uh ..."

"Wow," Ian says. "Guess you weren't faking all of it."

Spencer leans against Brendon and he presses a kiss against Brendon's temple. "No," he says. "Guess not."

Later, when they're settled on the couch, Spencer sprawled out and Brendon lying half on top of him, Brendon leans up to whisper into Spencer's ear, "I won't ever fake anything again."

It's kind of exhilarating, promising this. Brendon doesn't have a good track record of being completely honest with people he's been dating. With Audrey, it had mostly been self-protection; with others, it meant that Brendon wasn't serious about them, but didn't want to admit it to himself. But Spencer already knows most of Brendon's bad habits, the way Brendon gets when he's anxious, how Brendon reacts when he feels cornered. He's seen Brendon fall ungracefully off surf boards and skate boards and down stairs. There are hardly any things left Spencer doesn't know--but the promise feels right, like it's setting Brendon free.

"No more faking," Spencer says, smiling. He kisses Brendon softly and then they settle in to watch Frodo battle the Ringwraiths.


End file.
